What a Night!!!

Oh my faithful rant readers, you are not going to believe this!!! (actually, you probably are)  Yesterday I noticed that my pleasantly plump beagle who is awake 1/2 hour per day, just enough time to eat, go out to go to the bathroom, and get right back on the couch before her spot gets cold, was staying outside much longer than usual.  I went to the window to see what she was up to. We have one of those electric fences, so she really can't go anywhere outside of our yard. So imagine my surprise when I saw this 60lb. blob on 4 legs waddeling down the road!  Happy as can be, tail wagging, head bobbing, and belly just about scrapeing itself right down the middle of our street.  So I go to the door, and call her, "Daisy" I say, and she barely glances my way, so I call again, "Daisy" with little or no response. I then revert to the old "Daisy, want a cookie ?" Like a flash, she is back in the yard. (now by flash, I mean a little bit faster than a waddle, but not as fast as say a turtle trying to cross the road, and avoid getting hit)  She gets to the stairs, ans she is to heavy to just go up the steps,  it is a process that she goes through. She first looks at the stairs, she then puts 1 paw up, and tilts her head, and then she backs up, kind of gets a quick waddle going and plops up the stairs. Now Daisy has been on a diet since we went to the Vet last month and we paid $550.00 for him to tell us that she is over weight! (clearly we couldn't see that for ourselves) so it was a good thing the vet charged us all that money to let us know.  So since that Vet visit, the word "cookie" now has a new meaning.  It went from a wooden basket with a cover that clearly reads COOKIES, to a bag of carrots in the fridge. This took a while for her to fully grasp the concept that the basket that dhe loved and adored is now gone, and it has been replaced with some strange form that comes from the fridge.  I tried to explain that it has happened to all of us. I also had a cute little basket with wonderful little cookies in it, and I to have to get my "cookies" from the same lousy bag of orange things in the fridge! Does she not understand that I hate it too? That I would rather be getting my cookies from the nice basket on the counter too?  So after our "cookie" treat, she went right back to sleep on the couch.  Well as the day went on, I forgot to look for her collar that someone took off, which caused her to not get zapped when she left the yard earlier, and she went out again.  Next thing I know one of my neighbors was bringing her home.  Again, I didn't think much of it, found ger collar, put it on and forgot the whole incident, UNTIL... about 9:30 that night, we were all watching t.v., and this smell filled the family room. Now to put it politely, it is one of those smells that makes my boys laugh histerically, and start blaming each other, and their father, but this was different, it was awful, I thought something died, and dtarted decomposing under my couch!! Well it didn't take long to trace the smell to Daisy.  It was horrid, I really cannot explain it, but trust me, it was BAD!!!  Again, didn't think much of it, she is a dog after all.  Needless to say, one by one my husband and kids went up to bed, and I was finishing getting taxes ready for the morning because the accountant was coming in the morning.  Well Daisy was being a pain, she wanted to go, and come in, and as soon as I sat back down with my caculator, she wanted to go back out.  This went on for a couple of hours, and by now Cocoa had jumped into the rotation, and it was like musical doors.  I had just let Cocoa out, and went into the bathroom, and suddenly I heard my husband yelling, I couldn't make it all out, but the words that I did catch were not good ones.  I hurried out of the bathroom to find my husband standing with 1 foot in the air, covered in doggie poop, but that was not the worst of it.  We turned on some lights to find that Daisy had diareaha ALL OVER the Living Room, my Craft Room, the Family Room, and the Dining ROOM!!!! Big huge puddles, it was awful, so hours after scrubbing rugs, and I turn around to see her squatting, I yelled NOOOOOOO!!! It was kind of like in a movie it would be slow motion, and all the characters in the movie are running towards the dog, with our hands in the air, trying to get her outside before she went again. SO it is now 6:00a.m. and we had a meeting at the school at 7:00a.m. at my sons school.  There was no way I could go, I was still scrubbing, and we just got the steam cleaner out of the basement, and all of the rooms need to be steam cleaned, so we figured that I would stay and do that, and my hubby would go to the meeting.  Now let me just break off here to remind you all of the shower incident of the weekend, so you can imagine how my back feels right now.  So here I am steaming, and cleaning, and I see Daisy gagging, and all I could picture is me now spending hours cleaning up my dogs Vomit!! That is what my gravestone would read "Here lies Karen Driscoll, she died quietly at home while cleaning her dogs diarhea and Vomit with a bad back that she endured while showering!!!"  Anyway, I get her barely outside where she proceeds to Vomit all over a rug that we had right in front of the door.  Now before I go on, let me remind you all about the accountant that should be here with in the hour.  So I run back in the house to grab the phone, and run back outside because I want to see where Daisy is, and make sure that she is o.k.. Poor Daisy is just sitting in the garahe shaking with her little head cocked to one side obviosly scared and wondering what was going on.  I call the accountant and brifly explain what has happened, and he says, Oh no big deal, I have dogs, I don't mind.  Now mind you that I am standing in my freeezing cold garage, barefoot, and in pajama bottoms, a t-shirt, a scrub brush in one hand  and towels filled with dog vomit in the other hand. Now this is where lack of sleep, back and neck pain and frozen toes, all start to well up in my throat and I barely squeek out a "I really need to call you back and re schedual"  I hang up with him, and I look in my hand at the dog vomit and there I see CHICKEN BONES!!!!  Now I haven't made chicken with bones in a long time, so while Daisy was roaming the neighborhood, she must have gotten into someones trash, where there must have been, yes you guessed it CHICKEN BONES!! So now I am hysterical, and I am trying toi call the vet, and trying not to cry, because all I can picture is her choking, and I don't know dog CPR, I don't even know if there is dog CPR.  Then the most horrible thing goes through my mind. What if she need surgery to get the rest of the chicken bones out of her, what will I do?  I don't ever want to have to have my baby put to sleep, because we cant afford surgery for her.  I am looking at our roof that we have been putting off for 4 years, because my hubby's work has been really slow, and oh , just awful thoughts.  I am happy to say that we have had no diarhea, or vomitting for the past 2 hours, and the vet says that it is a good thing that she did vomit, and the bones came out, because that means that they are not stuck anywhere!!! So ladies, that was my morning, what Have you all been up to?!?!  karen<3